Regaining My Son's Childhood

Often, parents would refer to babies and young children as “angels,” a comment meant to describe young children – full of wonder and eagerness, the givers of unconditional love, the source of humor and compassion. Yet in the same breath, older parents would be quick to add, “but when they get older…” and we hear a litany of failed expectations accompanied by a deep sigh.

My husband Eric and I felt this way about our son Jose. Jose was not a wayward teenager or a young man in his twenties testing the bounds of freedom and rebellion. Our son, at the tender age of four, was tired of a hurried life. Jose has always been surrounded by a family that loves him. He barely watched television, and preferred books and play. Like other "angels," he shared many special moments with Eric and me. The most special were our nightime "read-me-a-book-Nanay" moments, a routine we followed regardless of how sleepy we both were.

Jose started his “academic training” for the traditional schools when he was three and a half. As parents, we thought, for Jose to have a meaningful life, he had to start young to excel among his peers. Like a popular milk commercial on TV, we subscribed to having children start life with a competitive edge. A child’s self-worth was to be measured by the number of contests he won, getting and staying ahead of the game, and being stronger than the rest.

But it was a false headstart. The push to be the best turned out to be a constant battle for Jose to prove he could meet our standards. He was in a pre-school that equated intelligence with parroting back information, and performing robotic acts of completing workbooks and tests. Mimicry, as opposed to originality, was rewarded with high grades and a promotion to the next grade level.

While Jose’s academic skills were noteworthy, he exhibited signs of aggression that were non-existent before he entered school. At times he was also passive, then restless or distressed. He was doing everything in a hurry, especially his school assignments. But in the process, he was actually accomplishing less and less. He began to also watch more television to escape the drudgery of homework.

Jose’s young life was a hurried life, vis-à-vis our own hurried lives. At the young age of seven, Jose complained,” I’m too tired to do anything else.” Soon unmet expectations led to clashes within our young family, marked by impatience, anger, and a constant struggle to pinpoint a culprit to blame. The cherished moments of storytelling and reading with Nanay were no longer a source of delight.

But angels have gifts of wisdom, and they never cease to try to fulfill their purpose. Despite our boxed up view of “should and should- not’s,” or being labeled as “troublesome,” by the disciplinary standards of his traditional school, the angel in Jose never died. True to his nature, he found ways to escape the academic prison he was in. While we thought he was attending special classes for academically advanced students at his school, he was in the middle of the football field, rolling on the grass, playing and laughing, enjoying how wonderfully blue the sky was. Once he shared a secret. Jose said that when he found something that made him happy he learned to refrain from expressing it as his teacher would see it as class disruption; instead, he would feel the happiness inside his heart and jump with joy but always with a mask – a deadpan expression on the outside. It was one of the saddest secrets I had ever heard.

As parents, we all have the same angel source in ourselves. And when we learn to quiet down, we discover that we too share the same wisdom that our angel children have. It was during one of those quiet moments that I deeply felt I was unwilling to have Jose suffer through his traditional school for yet another year.

A friend whose child was enrolled in a Steiner school convinced me to investigate its “stress-free” curriculum. I visited the first Steiner school in Quezon City with my son Jose in tow. While I visited the administrative office, my son explored the school grounds. When I had finished with my queries, I headed for the playground to look for Jose where I found him – quietly still and relaxed on top of an elevated structure, his eyes fixed at the blue sky. I savored the sacredness of that moment. I felt a sense of peace seeing him there; it was obvious, he too found his own. Later that afternoon, he joyfully announced to my colleagues at work that he was going to a new school, a Steiner school.

Austrian philosopher Rudolf Steiner established a school in 1919 for the children of the Waldorf cigarette factory workers in war-torn Germany. Today, Steiner education (also known as Waldorf education) is the largest and fastest growing, non-sectarian educational system in over 900 independent schools in at least 60 countries.

In Steiner schools, skills, subjects, and concepts are introduced only at a time when these are appropriate to the child’s emotional, psychological, and intellectual development. Beyond rote memorization, children are taught to ‘experience” concepts, and integrate age-specific abstract thinking into the realities of work and environment.

During an orientation program in Kolisko School for Steiner Education (KoSSE), parents were given crayons and paper. They were asked to remove their shoes and socks, wedge the crayons between their toes, and write their full names on the paper, first with the left, then with the right foot. Amid giggles, the adults complained that it was a difficult task. “This is exactly how your pre-schooler feels when you force him to learn the alphabet and write his name before he is ready for it,” remarked one of the teachers.

Jose readily adapted to his new school where the academic curriculum was creatively taught using painting, form drawing, puppetry, and games. He learned to play the recorder, the violin and indigenous instruments. His fascination for nature led to an interest in bird watching, a passion he now enjoys with his father. But I knew for sure that I had my little angel back when one evening, Jose approached me with a book, and lovingly said, “Nanay, please read to me.” I cried a river after that.

My experience isn’t unique; it is shared by other parents whose children are in Steiner schools. For the past year, Eric and I have joined a group of parents who are so gratified with the way their children have developed that they see it now as a calling, to spread Steiner education to as many Filipino children as possible. In June 2008, the Kolisko School for Steiner Education located at No. 10 Alabama St. Barangay Kristong Hari, E. Rodriguez (near St. Luke’s) Quezon City will make Steiner/Waldorf education available to middleclass Filipino families. The Kolisko School will offer a parent-toddler class (for 2-3 year-olds), kindergarten (for 3-6 year-olds), a first and a fourth grade.

Like Jose, we now want our youngest child, four-year old Yma, to experience an unhurried life at the new Kolisko School.

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About the Author: Techie dela Torre is presently the Dean of the School of Deaf Education and Applied Studies at De La Salle – College of Saint Benilde. She is also one of the founding members of the Kolisko Foundation for Education, Inc (KoFE, Inc.) and the Kolisko School for Steiner Education.

About KoFE

The Kolisko Foundation for Education, Inc. (KoFE, Inc.) is a non-stock non-profit organization that seeks to create opportunities that will contribute to the social transformation of the Philippines. It's mission is to be "a loving and compassionate community of parents and individuals that seek to HEAL OUR LAND through relevant education, fostering authentic relationships and self-awareness." KoFE dedicates itself to promote, develop, and advance Steiner-inspired initiatives in the fields of education, agriculture, community building, economics and the Environment.

One of it's projects is The Kolisko School. It was established to make Steiner education accessible to the average Filipino Family. As a sign of commitment, KoFE has set up The Kolisko Educational Assistance Program (The KEAP Project). It is a tuition assistance program that harnesses community support to help in the educational needs of children of specific low income groups, who contribute to the development and social transformation of the Philippines. These are Development Workers who serve the welfare of children, indigenous people, and the Environment (e.g. community organizers, social workers, researchers, advocates, etc); teachers involved in the education of children in special circumstances (e.g. low income, disabled children, abused, etc); and Overseas Filipino Workers who still cannot afford to fully fund the education of their children. The KEAP beneficiaries are KEAPers, and those who help them are The KEAPers' Friends. Be a KEAPer's Friend and join KoFE in this drive to help the country by helping those who are directly involved in the country's social transformation. For partnership opportunities, please contact Ms. Gay Cruz-Valdez (School Administrative Assistant) at 710-5279.

The Kolisko School holds Public Orientations for Parents and Short Lectures on particular weekends. Please call 710-5279 for inquiries. For those who wish to visit The Kolisko School for a one-on-one orientation session we are open Mondays to Fridays from 9am to 4pm Please call 710-5279 or 0917-5702946 for an appointment
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This article is a revised version of what was published in The Manila Bulletin and The Daily Tribune. Many thanks to the publishers of these newspapers, and their editors and writers. You made a difference in the lives of many who have been touched by this story. Your publication paved the way for their children to finally find us.

Many thanks to Susan Quimpo who helped me improve on the original article I wrote and read in the The Kolisko School's Milestone Party held last March 2, 2008. ;-). Thanks too, to Noemi Jara who helped further improve the above version.